my attempt at blending the arts I cherish
I think too much. I feel too much.
And trying to get those layered, complicated, deep stirrings out, whether in spoken word or in written word, is quite the challenge. But here is an attempt…I had a brilliant senior year full of wonder, love, music, blessings, and a coterie of kindred spirits. But I can’t live in the past anymore. Yet I cannot choose my memories. Something unexpected will trigger me and before I know it, there I am…in that very moment all over again. Every detail, note, scent, glance, and gesture replays itself in front of my eyes…and truthfully, it breaks my heart to return to those days. Why, why would I not want to re-experience such joy? Because life changes, it’s as plain as that. My community has changed. My music has quieted. My friends have mostly moved on, away to new lives and new towns. And I, I am still here, and reminded of Beth’s words from Little Women like never before
“Oh, Jo, I’ve missed you so. Why does everyone want to go away? I love being home.But I don’t like being left behind.”
I don’t want things to go back to the way they were, but sometimes it feels like it would be easier than facing this uncharted future. I ask the Lord to help me find the beauty, the joy, the contentment, and the peace in my current situation, even when I can’t always see it.
Ah, but now I’m reminded of something I learned during that sweet time—a quote from my favorite C. S. Lewis book that we dissected in British literature during senior year…
“I thought that I was carried in the will of Him I love, but now I see that I walk with it. I thought that the good things He sent me drew me into them as the waves lift the islands; but now I see that it is I who plunge into them with my own legs and arms, as when we go swimming…. It is a delight with terror in it! One’s own self to be walking from one good to another, walking beside Him as Himself may walk, not even holding hands. I thought we went along paths – but it seems there are no paths. The going itself is the path.” (from Perelandra)
There it is—the truth so clearly laid out. I claimed this when I graduated, that I would choose to walk “from one good to another,” but it appears as if I have forgotten how. I must continue to declare this as my own. Even though my present “good” doesn’t appear to be as sweet as my past, I must search out the beauty of each new day and celebrate the faithfulness of my God. I must use my heavenly eyes…
So, here I am, choosing to continue walking from the good of my past to the good of my future.
photo credit to–Erin Melissa Photography/ erinmelissa.com
what if poems could be symphonies, and people their orchestra?
My semester abroad living in Bath, England and traveling across Europe.
Beautiful photos of hiking and other outdoor adventures.
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"...that the Lord has made."
my adventurous semester across the big blue